There are few things I hate more than someone talking to It’s me, but through my child. Saying you disagree with my parenting choices or what I’m doing and telling my child that is almost always a passive-aggressive attempt. “Why is Mom in such a bad mood?” — I feel so rude.
One mom on Reddit has had enough.
On the Parenting subreddit, a mother of two children (ages 5 and 2) shared a post that read, “I’m so tired of forcing basic habits on my kids and being the ‘bad guy.'” The original poster (OP) adds that she also attends college part time and that her family’s routine supports everything.
“What frustrates me is how often other adults act as if I’m being mean by forcing them to do normal things,” OP wrote. “Yes, I have a bedtime. Yes, I say I don’t eat candy right before dinner. Yes, I let my 5-year-old son pick up his toys before we move on. No, I don’t want to do a ‘one-time’ in the middle of the night at someone else’s house because I don’t want a cranky kid to ruin the visit.”
She said that the moment she defended her boundaries, she felt like she was cast as the villain. “Families are telling their kids in front of me, ‘Oh, Mommy’s so strict,’ or ‘Mommy’s not funny,’ and trying to laugh it off. Meanwhile, I’m waking up at 6 a.m. with a toddler and still trying to get homework done.”
No matter how much she tries to remain calm and consistent, she says she feels like she’s caught in a strange “power struggle” with adults who aren’t supposed to care for her children on a daily basis. “I’m not trying to control everything. I’m trying to keep the house functioning and the kids regulated.”
At the end of the post, OP asked for advice on how to “shut down the ‘not funny’ comments without starting family drama.”
And did Reddit have an idea?
“Next time you meet your family, pull them aside and say in a calm, firm tone, ‘You don’t have to agree with my parenting, but please stop disrespecting me in front of the kids.’ Look them in the eye when you say that. Your complaints are valid. Good luck! Stay strong!” one commenter wrote.
“I make it right in front of the kids. Oh, Grandma, I’m confused again. Uncle
“People need to mind their own business. ‘This is what’s best for my family.'” End of discussion,” one person wrote simply.
My personal favorite is, “This drives me crazy! It’s like when a baby cries, someone immediately has to say, ‘Oh, mommy won’t feed you, right? She’s just going to starve you all day long.'” It instantly makes your blood boil. I’m very flexible with routines and we’re a very go-with-the-flow kind of family, but I still get comments like this when I don’t leave my 4-year-old and 1-year-old at a party past 9 p.m. ”
Honestly, that’s the best way to deal with nosy people like this. It doesn’t matter if they truly believe you are “too strict” or “not funny.” What they’re most upset about is that you set boundaries around your kids, and now your kids have to follow those same boundaries. With that in mind, if you know they’re still coming at you and being rude, it’s easier to tell them to stop and let you raise the child. You don’t have to be a part of someone’s life if you don’t want that.
A few commenters also chimed in to remind OP that she knows what’s best and is doing a great job.
“Kids thrive on structure and routine. Some kids need it and some kids do best with it, but they’re more flexible. Nothing to be too strict. That’s just good parenting,” one person wrote.
“Just know you’re doing great. Kids absolutely need structure and grow up. My kids are both teenagers now, but I’ve always tried my best to maintain a structured environment because as a single parent, I needed structure for my own sanity. And guess what – it sticks with them,” another added.
What’s interesting is that these grandparents were once our parents. They absolutely insisted on bedtime routines, eating ice cream only on Saturdays, and doing homework before playing video games. However, the older generation seems to have significant memory loss, forgetting everything from raising children to how they felt when someone degraded them.
It’s neither too strict nor “uninteresting.” You are a mother trying your best to make sure your kids grow up, that your home doesn’t fall apart, and that you don’t get overwhelmed and end up crying someone by the end of the day.
And if people keep saying bad things about you, take it out on them a little bit instead.
