Everyone is warning about December. A spiral of confusion, expense, and emotions trying to make magic happen while slowly losing sanity. But I would like to officially designate May as the month of self-destruction. Because without twinkling lights and cute presents, May is December.
There are back-to-back school events interspersed with insane sports schedules and forced time with family. It is socially unacceptable to have a meltdown or be mentally drained like you did during the winter. And every year it creeps in that I didn’t just do this exact thing 12 months ago.
Spring sports alone can make even the most experienced and energetic mom tired. The sheer amount of practices, games, and tournaments is enough to make you dizzy. And when you have multiple kids, you wish Bezos had built a time-traveling machine to make it all happen.
You end up driving a car strewn with snacks, uniforms, and forgotten water bottles, and sitting on the sidelines listening to seemingly innocent people yell and rave about the validity of referees, playing time, and the athleticism of 8-year-olds. No amount of Xanax will ever be enough.
Additionally, there are school events, which suddenly start to increase once the semester ends. Field days, concerts, spirit weeks, and large-scale projects fill the calendar. There’s a random themed day, and you find out (or you don’t know at all) at 9pm the night before. Whatever you do, don’t forget to register for the Teacher Appreciation Week Bake Sale. You don’t want to seem ungrateful.
Oh, how could I forget Mother’s Day? It’s your special day, and you’re responsible for managing it. It’s a full-time job juggling the expectations of my children and my husband before I remember that I also have a mother and mother-in-law to take care of. Because even on your special day, there’s no button to pause the mental load of motherhood.
I hope someone at least buys me a donut.
Just getting to this point can give you emotional whiplash. During this completely exhausting month, mothers seem to be reflecting on the long school days they have all overcome together. A bit of nostalgia for someone who is already quite mentally and emotionally exhausted. Give me one ticket to Crash Out Bill.
Oh, it would be remiss of me not to mention the economic hardships that come with May. Gifts from teachers and coaches, sports fees, banquets, and all other year-end extras. Consider my 401,000 cashed in just in time to transfer them some of their summer camp deposit and have them stay home all summer and ask for “just a few bucks” each morning.
While December brings culturally recognized turmoil, May brings quiet suffering to us mothers. We’re all just trying our best to survive here with jam-packed schedules and family fun.
So, I wish you all the best for the rest of this month. May your schedule be color-coded and your side hustle snack bag filled. And… don’t forget that Tuesday is Neon Hat Day.
step She is a former lawyer and a mother of four who is often abusive. Find her on Instagram @sammbdavidson.
