Getting into college is competitive. Especially if it’s a scholarship. Parents want the best for their children. So it’s no wonder Reddit’s r/Parenting is flooded with posts asking similar questions. All questions are similar. “Should I pay my child to get good grades?” If parenting forums are to be believed, this question has been being asked for literally years (probably even before Reddit existed).
“Does anyone think it’s a good idea to pay kids for good grades?” 5 years ago. “How much do you pay your kids for their grades?” 8 months ago. “Would you give your child money to get good grades?” 2 years ago. “Are you thinking about financial incentives for top performers?” 7 years ago. Yes, this debate is not new…but it is far from settled.
The comments on all these posts show that the parents are splitting up. Some actually pay their children and share specific amounts. “I give $50 for each A, but C nullifies it… But to be fair, my kids are B students and A’s are hard for them, so it’s just an incentive to be a little tougher on them,” one user wrote. Another parent said they offer financial incentives specifically for making honor rolls. One mother said her children took seven subjects and received $10 for an A, $5 for a B, and $0 for a C or below, and another parent said they would give her $5 for each A and that’s it.
Many comments refer to the fact that we live in a capitalist society. As adults, we are paid for our work. If school is children’s work, then they should be paid to do well in school, the comments argue. “Many parents will say this is terrible, their child’s job is to get good grades and they shouldn’t be paid. I don’t understand that. People with jobs get paid to do their jobs, and people with good jobs get bonuses for extra good deeds,” one user commented.
Many respondents also said that paying children for good grades is not only unfair, but actually causes them to fail. Here’s what Redditors on the other side of the aisle have to say:
- “I’m not a fan. Some kids work hard and get a C grade, and some kids get an A without much effort. If I’m going to pay for academic performance, I’d rather pay for achieving process goals, like turning in all assignments.”
- “I don’t do that. School grades are often a measure of how well you do in a prescribed learning method and do not necessarily reflect effort. Praise or ‘punishment’ for grades seems very unfair to me because so many things contribute to your grades and it is far beyond your control.” ”
- “I used to pay my son to read books. I stopped because he was choosing what to read based on how much money he could make, rather than reading what he wanted to read.”
- “Research shows that extrinsic motivation (rewards) can actually be detrimental to creating long-term habits and intrinsic motivation. People begin to expect larger and larger rewards in order to achieve the same level of satisfaction or accomplishment. Rewards are While it can be helpful for motivation (like starting potty training or starting a new healthy habit), consider the long-term effects when you choose to use it as a parent, and in what situations you choose to use it.
One user made a great point that grades aren’t just a checkbox, they’re real-time feedback from your teacher on how well you’re mastering a subject.
“Grades are checkpoints for knowledge. If you get an A, your teacher thinks you’ve covered the subject brilliantly and you can move on. An F means you need to go back and work on that problem. And everything in between.” This means that if a child thinks learning the material well is the point of going to school, they’ll get an A and know their stuff. If it’s important that A gets paid…is that what you want?
Should we pay kids for good grades? Experts are divided.
If you’re wondering why this debate has lasted so long, it’s because everyone is right in some sense. Reward pathways in our brains are real and can be used to change behavior.
“As a parent, you want to encourage the behavior you want with feedback and rewards that your child values. Money, praise, a special outing, a nice dinner — anything you do to encourage behavior is psychologically the same,” says Erin Morris Miller, Ph.D., an educational psychologist who specializes in gifted children. “Not every class or assignment is going to be fun for teenagers. We want them to be willing to do things, even if they don’t want to, in order to receive money. This is an important life skill.”
Morris Miller is a team where adults work and get paid, and kids should too. However, not all experts agree on this.
“By paying teenagers for performance, we are teaching them to focus on the outcome rather than the process. Like cash, ‘carrots’ can be an effective motivator, but they are temporary, non-sticky, and lack intrinsic motivation and motivation. “It doesn’t build resilience. By focusing on effort and individual success metrics, teens can develop the skills they need for long-term success. Today’s A in Algebra doesn’t mean a happy, healthy, and thriving 24-year-old.” Kathy Chen, MD, founder of Village Coaching, an executive function and college readiness coaching service for teens.
To raise children who value learning and are motivated, Chen says, you need to consistently praise your child’s efforts over time.
“Parents shouldn’t praise good grades; they should praise teens for the effort, character, and values they show when they do their best,” she says. “Giving a teenager $100 or a new iPhone just because you see them working hard won’t change things in the long run. Consistently praising their efforts over time will lead to lasting behavior change, because identity, how we see ourselves, drives behavior.”
One thing to be careful about, she says, is if your child is neurodivergent. “These teens often need more rewards and outcomes within a very specific structure tailored to their individual needs.”
This is one of those parenting discussions that will probably never have a black-and-white answer. For children, financial incentives for good grades work. For others, it’s a temporary Band-Aid with no long-term meaning. What you do is determined by your family values.
