There is now a clear divide among parents online: those who share and those who don’t. While some people still post photos of their kids from their summer camping trips or their first day back at school, some of us choose to stay off the internet at all costs (I’m in the latter camp). And for parents who want to keep their children’s portraits private, there seems to be one group that’s not just saying, “Sure, that’s nice,” but is actively keeping the discussion going. That’s my grandparents.
My personal experience with my son’s grandparents was wonderful. Not only will they respect our wishes not to post him online, but if they see someone else posting it, they will ask us to remove it on our behalf. There was no pushback or hesitation when we shared our new boundaries with them. That was it. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen to everyone. As we all know, relationships with one’s parents or in-laws can be complicated.
As a result, Reddit is filled with posts from parents seeking advice on how to approach this topic in a big way.
In each of these scenarios, the parents clearly told the grandparents that they didn’t want their child’s face shared online, yet they still hopped on social media only to find their child’s face plastered all over their feed, courtesy of grandparents. If the parents ask for the photo to be deleted, signal a big fuss by saying, “Well, I’ll just delete it and I won’t post anything else,” or “Everyone but me will be able to share the photo of my grandchild.” (Oh, boo-boo.)
Many of the comments on these posts revolve around boundaries, with commenters telling the original poster that they need to be clear about boundaries and stick to them when necessary. (Often these grandparents aren’t very involved with their grandchildren anyway, or seem to have trouble adhering to different kinds of boundaries in their relationships with their children.)
In this scenario, this might look like saying to the grandparents, “You told us you didn’t want photos of your children shared online. Please delete your post. If this happens again, we will no longer share photos with you or allow you to take photos of our children.” And if pushy grandparents try to take pictures anyway, you literally end up getting between the camera and the child. Hold the line.
If you’re not very confident in setting boundaries, some comments suggest that you can try a more subtle approach.
Find links to articles about people who found out too late that someone on their friends list was a child abuser, or whose child’s classmates discovered old photos of their child and used AI to make them nude as part of a bullying campaign, and share them with the grandparents in question. AARP has a guide for grandparents that explains the potential dangers of sharing photos of their grandchildren and how a seemingly innocuous photo can spread far more than you can imagine. Make your children feel like they are part of the people who protect them, and show them by example that you are more than just a worrier.
in short, The answer is no. Grandparents should not be able to post their grandchildren on social media if the child’s parents request privacy.
As with any parenting decision, it’s the parents who make it, and the grandparents should respect that. In a healthy relationship, it’s okay to ask questions if you don’t understand a choice, but mom and dad ultimately set the rules. Grandparents who continue to share even after they’re happy may eventually run out of photos — and that’s not surprising.
