Every night, I say to my children, “Nothing has changed, I love you just the way you are.” These are Mr. Rogers’ words, and I’ve said them to them since before they understood language and to this day, when they were bratty teenagers. It’s a small way to make sure they know they are loved, regardless of the chaos that occurred earlier in the day. And it literally only takes 5 seconds.
On Reddit’s parenting forums, one parent was looking for more ways to show love to their kids in small but important ways, ways that don’t take a lot of time or resources, but have a big impact.
One group member asked, “What are some ways we can intentionally show real, deep love to our children?”
They first shared some small ways of their own before asking for other ideas.
For example, they write, “If they are leaving in the car (for example, my partner is taking them to school), I stand outside and smile, wave, and enthusiastically blow kisses until they can no longer see me.” “This takes up to 10 to 20 seconds, but I hope they feel warm and loved when they leave. They never see me turn my back and walk away. I always maintain that connection until the last moment, and that’s something I cherish.”
The comments were full of ideas that other parents would feel comfortable with and easily adapt.
Here are some of our favorites.
“I tell my kids what I want them to believe about themselves. I never make negative statements about who they are (‘You never listen!’), but I often say things like, ‘You’re so good at making friends’ or ‘You’re always so patient with puzzles.’ We are their authorities on everything, and these statements become their self-identity.”
“I keep the promise I made to myself when my 2-year-old was born that I would see him and keep eye contact with him as much as possible. I started when he was a newborn, when he was barely aware of what he was looking at. When he makes eye contact with me, I lock him in and stay with him, even if only for a short time. I still try to do that as much as possible.”
“Whenever my kids (ages 10, 7, and 6) are having a hard time, I tell them that they can communicate their feelings to me with a hug or a breath. So I just hug them or sit next to them and say, ‘Exhale your bad feelings. I’ll take them.'” Then I “inhale” them, and when I let them out, I “let them go.” This is very effective as a way to calm them down, and also as a way to show them that their feelings aren’t scaring me, that I can accept them, and that they don’t have to suffer alone. ”
“In the movie Cadet Kelly, Kelly says, “One of the great things about a mom is that she always greets you as if you’ve been gone for three years.” When I was a teenager, I made a promise to my kids that I would always do that, and so far I’ve stuck to it. I’m always so happy to see my kids!”
“I have one rule with my 7-year-old son: We never end a hug, just in case the kid needs a longer hug than the one he sometimes leaves quickly. So when we hug, he’s always the first one to leave.”
“Every time I hold my 5-year-old’s hand, I look him in the eyes and say I love you and press him three times. Eventually, I just gave him the occasional hand press while holding his hand. Until that day, he would press my hand three times and smile at me. So now, those are our silent words of love.”
“I ask kids, ‘What do you think about this?’ or ‘What is the solution?’ I want them to know that their voices matter.”
“When my kids were in school, I used to gift-wrapp each of their lunch boxes for their birthdays: sandwiches, apples, yogurt, spoons, thermoses, etc. And, you know, I always put extra stuff in my lunch box that day so I could wrap more!”
