Of all the ages I remember, my teenage years remain the freshest in my memory. Maybe it’s because it’s a time when you really start to understand who you are, what you want, and who you want to be. Perhaps it’s because it’s the beginning of a big change where you graduate from elementary school, meet new friends, and everything changes.
Maybe it’s due to hormones.
But when my oldest daughter turned 11, I felt ready for everything that was to come. I knew I was going to cry a lot. I knew she might have a lot of hormones going on that she can’t control that would make her feel restless and anxious and find herself getting agitated for no reason.
I never thought that these 12 years would turn into childhood again.
There’s a lot of crying, a lot of “being there” and a lot of clinging. There’s a lot of “Mommy, what are you doing?” Lots of “Can I come with you?” on my every move. Lots of pouting, big reactions, and unexplained anger. There is a lot of worry, a lot of stress, and a lot of new challenges.
Sometimes, while I’m making dinner, my tween will come up to me and lean into me. Her hips are almost touching mine, but she can still rest her head on my shoulder. “What’s going on?” I asked, stirring the taco meat. “Nothing,” she murmurs. “Huggy?”
I put down the spoon. Hug. everytime.
When she goes to bed, she tells me that she is not tired. “I don’t want to sleep,” she said, sounding like she was two years old again. “Sleep is good for you!” she says, sounding like she’s two years old again. “Please sleep with me,” she begs.
She sits near me while we read the stories her sisters have chosen. She’s playing the Sims on her computer, but she’s sitting on the couch with all of us. She asks me for a million treats and eats every last bite. She gets emotional and sometimes cries before going to school in the morning saying she will miss me. Even with grandparents, weekends away from us often start with me leaving my crying girlfriend at home and sneaking out the door to say goodbye.
Just like I did when she was a toddler.
The past 12 years have been the perfect mix of “I’m too big for this!” It’s the same thing as when you were a toddler: “I’m still young, so I don’t want to try anything new.” There’s a lot of push and pull, a lot of times you want to stay home and in the comfort of your own home, and a lot of times you want to run away as far as possible when you find something new you want to experience. Much of early childhood is spent teaching little children to be big children.
And most of the 12 years are spent teaching the child to become an adult.
At either age, we don’t want our children to grow up too quickly, but we know we have to prepare them for what’s to come. The reason kids go from pulling them out of their sippy cups and bottles as toddlers and giving them drinks like big kids to suddenly pushing them into the library on their own as teenagers is because they need to know how to ask other adults for help finding things.
We’re teaching them manners, appropriate reactions, and how to be friends as young children.
This will teach you how to know when a situation with a friend is dangerous, that being polite is not the same as being kind, and how to listen to your friend’s inner voice.
Just like when my kids were toddlers, I wonder everywhere how we got here so quickly. Isn’t it just that you wanted to be held? Didn’t you just cry when we dropped you off at school? Maybe they just climbed into your lap to read you a story?
Oh wait. yes. they were.
Because tweens are basically giant toddlers who need deodorant. And you’ll probably end up banging your back trying to hug them in the house again.
