When I was 26 and had a newborn, I left my emotionally abusive marriage and moved back in with my mom. At that point, all three of her children had left home, but have since returned. Was it a little disappointing to start over from your childhood bedroom with a newborn baby? Hey. But was it exactly what I needed to heal, and was it exactly what I needed for my future? yes.
Being home with my mom again was a gift in many ways, but one of the greatest support systems she created was not charging me rent to live there. So when I married my now-husband two years later, I was able to get the credit score I needed, save for a down payment on a house, and get a higher interest rate on my loan.
And in this economy? Parents who allow their adult children to live rent-free are providing the same loving support.
On Reddit’s /parenting subreddit, one mother asked other parents of young adults how much they were helping. The original poster (OP) shared that her 23-year-old daughter is graduating from college, moving back home, and trying to find a better job that fits her major. The mother said she buys her own food and supplies, but she doesn’t charge her daughter any rent to live there, and she pays for her cell phone and car insurance because it’s in her name. She expects her daughter to clean up after herself, but she doesn’t ask for anything else. She even lets her daughter’s boyfriend stay overnight.
“Rent in my area is easily 3,000 yen for a one-bedroom, so just doing something that I don’t think will be a burden is helping her a lot,” she says. “I have some friends who think I’m absolutely crazy, and this is not something I should be doing. My ex-girlfriend, who kicked my kids out of the house when I was 18, also called me ‘weird.’ The background is that her father died when I was young, so it was just me and her for years while I was struggling. Life was hard. Now that I have a good income, I think I can relax a little bit. Am I abnormal?”
Madam, you are a good parent.
Over the past few years, the number of young people living at home with their parents has actually declined slightly, from 20% in 2022 to 18% in 2023. But where these young people live is also a big factor, with more young people staying at home in states and regions with higher costs of living than in cheaper areas like the Midwest and South. And economics is the biggest factor for these young people.
So why not help the kids if you can?
The comments on the Reddit post proved that for most parents, if they could help their kids like OP said, they absolutely would. Does it feel like a no-brainer?
One commenter wrote, “If my parents had done this, my life would have been so different.”
“My father-in-law was very generous to me and my partner, helping us with the down payment, giving us half a ride in his car, and even letting us live with him for a while if it made sense financially. His philosophy was, ‘If I save up all this money, I won’t die.’ You can inherit it later…or I can start giving you your inheritance now and you can reap the benefits and watch your family grow,”’ one commenter said. “Thanks to his help, we are in a position to have a son. He is the most devoted and loving grandpa ever!”
“I think that’s normal and okay. She’s not an asshole and you’re not funding an irresponsible lifestyle. The job market is incredibly tough right now, especially for new grads,” another wrote.
And personally, I liked the amount of comments criticizing the OP’s “friends”. Especially in this economy, it feels outdated to claim that young people who need financial help are bastards, losers, or are taking advantage of permissive parents.
“Your ‘friends’ are cruel and living in the past,” one person wrote.
“Your friends don’t understand how difficult things are for this generation of young people. You’re doing the right thing,” another added.
Some commenters suggested other methods, such as having OP “claim” her daughter’s rent and put the money in a savings account for when she eventually moves out. Another woman encouraged her daughter to start a 401(k) to save for her future and get double the benefits of living at home.
And honestly, we forget that humans are communal, and we’re only 23? It’s still a baby in the grand scheme of things. As long as OP and daughter are living happily together and no one feels burdened or trapped, I don’t see any harm in this kind of arrangement.
“In most countries, you’re just a normal parent doing what normal parents do: supporting your children!” one commenter wrote.
(especially In this economy. )
