I always wanted to have three children. I grew up the middle of three siblings, and I was incredibly close to them as a child. My sister was five years older than me and my brother was two years younger. That age difference feels like it shouldn’t work, but it actually did. And when I realized that I had three daughters and that they were similar in age (there was a 4-year-old and then a 3-year-old between them), I decided to make sure they were as close as their siblings, and that’s exactly what I did.
I mean, I often let my older kids play with their little sister. Even if they don’t want to.
We are not forcing you to babysit or take care of your child. I don’t let her do things like take her to the bathroom, get her dressed, brush her teeth, etc. (though she certainly yells from the other side of the house, “Can someone please tie her shoelaces?!” when I’m holding a raw chicken in my hand).
But to my 11-year-old and my 7-year-old, I say, “Hey, I want you to play with your big sister for a second.”
We’re not running a dagger house here. My youngest is not the “responsibility” of her sisters. I’m not asking them to be her parents. But she is part of this family and deserves to have playmates and friends among her sisters…even if they would rather do other things.
You feel a change in the house when the children no longer spend enough time with each other. When you let your older kids hold the tablet for too long, or when your kids spend too much time glued to the TV without talking to each other. Everything seems a little off balance and we need to get back on track. That means you need to make sure you spend time with them.
Let me be clear: All my daughters respect each other. But everyone gets bored with hide-and-seek (my youngest child’s favorite pastime) and the many questions asked during movies (my youngest child’s favorite pastime). Sometimes they’re all just locked in their own little worlds and it’s a little too much for me, so I need to reconnect them all.
And as selfish as it is, I need them to entertain my sister. breathe. On any given day at home, one of my three daughters is filled with gratitude, love, and joy. butt. When I ban tablet use for the day or tell them to go find something to do, it often means there’s still one kid hanging around me in the kitchen like they’ve never had to plan their own actions before. The command “play with your sister” works. Maybe they roll their eyes. They’ll probably sigh or say hahaha about it. Maybe they’ll say to me, “Hmm, but I was just trying to call a friend.”
it’s okay. I know, but sometimes you don’t want to. You can call your friend back later.
But please go play with your sister.
I want all girls to feel the richness of their individuality. But I also want them to feel like a unit together as brothers. I want them to have their own language, their own code, their own honor system. Things I don’t know and things they just know about each other.
I know some of that will be created in the days I force them to hang out with me. Actually, I don’t think the closeness between siblings is magical. I think a lot of it is built in those boring, mundane moments where the kids inch closer to each other instead of being thrown into every corner of the house.
It didn’t take long to hear them all coming up with games together, playing library, and doing funny dances. All three of them have a language they speak, just saying the same five words with different intonations. I swear, they all know what each other is saying. The three still share the same room, and at night you can hear them giggling, playing, and getting in and out of each other’s beds.
Because we all have to play our part in this house, just like washing the dishes or doing the laundry or picking up toys from the garden. There are some parts that look like they are singing. frozen Let’s sing a song with my 4 year old sister.
