As I watched the graduation ceremonies taking place around me, I certainly began to have my own feelings about my three daughters. My eldest is almost 12 years old, so I know her “fledging” will definitely come sooner than I imagine, but will she have to participate in “breaking the nest” mid-fledging?
I know that sounds scary, but it’s true. We all know that teenagers often push boundaries and treat us, but it’s really offensive for their parents to call this behavior “breaking the nest” as if we’re the stupidest humans who ever lived. The theory, as explained on Reddit, is that as teenagers approach leaving the nest, some strange evolutionary effort to keep them from falling through the cracks causes them to act like complete incompetents. too much many. Of course, you may not be completely ready for them to be independent yet, but you may feel a little relieved as they have been in a very unpleasant attitude for a long time.
And when you’re in the midst of your teenage years, it’s hard to remember that this is all developmentally completely normal.
One parent took to Reddit to share how “horrible” it is to raise children in this day and age. The original poster (OP) is shocked that their now 15-year-old doesn’t seem to have any interest in playing with them, and all they can think about is how much they miss their kids when they were younger. “I was warned that this is what being a teenager is like and that you won’t truly appreciate it until you graduate from college,” OP writes. “But this is more upsetting than I expected. I know this is normal for teenagers, but is it normal for parents to go through it? Am I pathetic? Is there anyone else who is devastated by this part?”
Very normal. It’s not pathetic at all. And yes, of course.
One commenter wrote, “Not to sound frivolous, but I’ve heard this step called ‘breaking the nest.'” If they were your kind self, you wouldn’t be able to bear to lose them. So they make it easy on us by being a little sarcastic for a few years. ”
There is some truth to this. It’s a combination of their brains not being fully developed and the anxiety they feel about any upcoming changes, child psychologist Dr. Carrie Ann Dittner, founder of Peak Psychology, tells Scary Mommy.
“They’re still developing their communication skills, problem-solving abilities, and emotional regulation. They haven’t yet developed the coping skills to manage all these impulses, so they’re more alert and easily irritated,” she explains. “Additionally, they are establishing their own identity and independence. It is normal for them to push boundaries and establish some level of control.”
And when it comes to anxiety, Dittner says the emotion usually manifests as “fight or flight”…and I think we all know which one teens choose. “So their ‘difficult’ tendencies are more likely to be about their nervous system, worrying about what’s going to happen next. Think of it as an ‘upset snow globe’ – they literally can’t think straight,” she says.
OK, we know that’s normal and developmentally healthy, so it shouldn’t bother you at all, right? right?
“No, it doesn’t help with the transition. Nothing works. It’s a developmental transition, so it should be a big storm of emotions – for everyone. Parents no longer become drivers, but passengers. Teens experience being on their own for the first time and have to say goodbye to everything they’re used to,” Dittner says. And if you notice that your child suddenly returns to his normal self after leaving the nest, consider it a sign that the child has adapted to the new normal and the “snow globe has settled.”
But when you feel like everything is stagnant and slipping through your hands, take a deep breath. They are still your children. You still love them.
Blame it on the troublesome still-developing anterior lobe.
