When you grow up, you get a general idea of what an “old man’s” name sounds like. When playing grandma with friends, choose names like Ethel or Lucille. These are the names that our grandparents had. I mean, it’s a name that all old people have…right? Wrong. You see, the only reason a name sounds old is the fact that the oldest people alive at that time had that name. That means it won’t be long before the Ambers, Seans, and Tiffanys of the world become the new Reginalds and Corneliuses. (As Katie, who is married to Zach, our family will be hit hard.) These are the millennial names our kids will call old men—and, in fact, they already are.
As Scary Mommy reported last year, in a very informal survey, TikTok creator Kelly Cole (@kelleykelleykelley) asked teens what they thought their aunt’s name was. This list is terrible for people born between 1981 and 1996, known as Millennials. They listed names like Jordan, Ashley, Crystal, Kelly, Stephanie, and Stacey. Interestingly, their list of “young woman” names seems more similar. we would do that Consider the name of the old woman. This proves the cyclical nature of name trends. The list included Eva, Emma, Abigail, Isabel, Rose, and Gracie.
Unfortunately, just because your name wasn’t included in this very limited list of certain TikTok users doesn’t mean you’re safe from having an old person’s name. According to the Social Security Administration, the consistently popular names for boys from 1981 to 1996 were:
- aaron
- Adam
- andrew
- brandon
- brian
- christopher
- Daniel
- Eric
- jesse
- joshua
- justin
- kevin
- mark
- Matthew
- michael
- nathan
- nicholas
- patrick
- ryan
- Sean/Sean
- steven/steven
- travis
And for girls? Now, let’s say you know at least one person with each of these names.
- amanda
- amber
- ashley
- Christine/Christina
- Daniel
- elizabeth
- Erica
- heather
- jennifer
- jessica
- Catherine/Catherine/Katie
- Kimberly
- Laura/Lauren
- megan
- melissa
- michelle
- nicole
- rachel
- rebecca
- sarah
- Stephanie
- tiffany
Of course, there have been several other names that have been hugely popular over the last 15 years, but none of them stayed in the top 50 forever. Think names like Samantha, Dustin, Chad, Shannon, Kyle, and Allison. In the ’90s, certain names like Zachary burst onto the popularity charts (thanks, Saved by Bell), Tyler, Cody, Taylor, Jasmine, Kayla, Chelsea, Austin, Alexis, Shelby, Madison, Dylan. All of these names have a distinctly 1990s feel to them, and unfortunately, despite being the youngest of the Millennials, our children are now coming to recognize them as old man’s names.
Whether we like it or not, it’s now our lot in life to be called old by a bunch of crooks named Braden and Nevaeh. “How does it feel to have one foot in the grave?” they imply. But have no fear. Our name will almost certainly be used again. Who would laugh then?
