Parents of kids with iPads, the typical kids standing in line at waiting rooms or restaurant tables with tablets in their hands, get a lot of flak online. Similarly, they have been literally called borderline abusive by other parents. But even parents who don’t allow any screen time are judged. No matter which side you’re on, someone seems to have an opinion. Whether you’re following strict screen time limits for your kids or allowing them unlimited access to technology (listen, it’s summer vacation, right?), you may have wondered what happens to your kids with iPads once they become teenagers. Will leaving them dazed for the last 30 minutes of dinner while waiting for the check really ruin them for life?
All parents are probably familiar with the downsides of too much screen time. They are addictive, overstimulate, and don’t allow children to learn how to sit and develop patience when bored. While handing your child a tablet from time to time isn’t the end of the world, the habitual use of technology to soothe children is a concern for experts. But it’s not all bad, says Dr. Jerry Weichman, a clinical psychologist, adolescent mental health expert, and founder of the Weishman Clinic in California.
“Teenagers who grew up with iPads are actually more resourceful than I’ve been given credit for. Thanks to Google, YouTube, and AI, today’s teens can quickly find solutions to problems and are adept at multitasking, which can be a huge advantage.” “But unfortunately, the weaknesses outweigh the strengths.”
A common assumption about so-called iPad kids is that they are always given tablets as a crutch, so they get bored or don’t know how to cope in real life. But is this really the case?
“In my practice, I find that teens who grow up with constant access to smart devices have higher levels of anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and lower frustration tolerance,” says Dr. Nidhi Gupta, a pediatric endocrinologist and founder of the Freedom Foundation, a nonprofit organization that helps individuals, families, and professionals develop a more balanced relationship with their devices. “Children develop these skills by experiencing a manageable amount of discomfort and learning how to cope with it. For example, waiting in a line, riding in a car, or flying on a plane without entertainment can help develop tolerance and perseverance. When idle moments are filled with screens, children have fewer opportunities to develop these skills naturally.”
Gupta agrees that while today’s teens have all the tech-savvy skills that previous generations didn’t have at that age, they often don’t understand the toll technology has taken on their childhoods. Many teens say they struggle with staying alert, talking, time management, self-care, and healthy sleep habits.
To be clear, these experts are not blaming parents. Our society is not set up to adequately support the needs of children and families. And many of us, having searched our villages, found ourselves standing alone in the cold. Well, we’ve all probably put a tablet in our kids’ hands to prevent a tantrum or to get quiet for 30 minutes. Those of us who have teenagers didn’t know what we know now about the addictive nature of screens or the developmental importance of boredom when they were little. That data is new.
If your child is too dependent on their devices and you feel like they can’t handle the discomfort on their own, there are steps you can take to get them off their devices. The first (and most obvious) is, of course, to reduce screen time. Weishman said today’s teens spend an average of 23 hours of screen time a week, and it would be a “tragedy” to give up one day of their lives.
“Taking breaks without devices, setting time limits, and setting a nighttime curfew for devices can be effective. It’s up to kids what they do with that space and downtime,” Weichman says. It’s also a great opportunity to spend time with your family, like taking a walk together or playing board games. When my kids (I have elementary school, middle school, and high school) say they’re bored, I reply, “Only bored people get bored, not you. So get creative.”
The key, adds Gupta, is to give kids room to practice being intentional and flexing their willpower. It is most effective when done as a family. Create a screen-free routine and emphasize sleep and healthy habits as a family.
“Electronic addiction will be the mental health crisis of this next generation. There is also data showing that consumption of short-form content is exponentially more addictive than alcohol. Bandwidth for real-life interpersonal conversations and reading long-form content is reduced. “Federal, state, and local authorities must do more to prevent children and teens from becoming addicted. Meanwhile, the longer parents wait before giving their children a phone or device, the better off they will be.” Weishman.
Yes, our collective assumptions about iPad kids may actually be rooted in truth. Fortunately, the skills children lack can be easily rebuilt with a little example from mom and dad.
