It’s always important for children to be allowed to have their own space, one away from parents, siblings, etc., but when it comes to teenagers, it feels especially important. Whether your teen has a room of their own or not, having a safe space where they can separate from other members of the family (and not be chased around) feels like a must.
But so many families have different rules regarding their teens’ bedrooms, one mother asked on Reddit, “Should I lock my teen’s bedroom door?”
The original poster (OP) shared in a post on the subreddit /parenting that she recently moved to a new house with her children, including her 14-year-old daughter. This is her first time owning a home since renting previously, and she was excited to change a few things in the house, like adding lockable doorknobs to every bedroom (even the teen’s bedroom, of course). “I was the eldest of five children. Not only did I have a key on my bedroom door, but you better believe I used it. Otherwise, my siblings just walked in whenever they wanted,” she wrote, asking others if this was “normal.”
Apparently, my ex-girlfriend didn’t think so.
She said her daughter has told her father about the new house and that she has serious issues with OP’s ex-husband letting their 14-year-old son lock the bedroom door. “He believes that I’m creating a dangerous environment for her by having her have a lock knob. Remember, in almost every rental property I’ve ever rented, there was a lock on the bedroom door. For some reason, this house, which I happen to own, isn’t safe. Meanwhile, he’s living with his mother because his credit is bad,” she said, admitting that she thinks most of his problems stem from resentment. But, she goes on to ask, “Would you allow your teens to lock their doors? Does it matter that the teen in question is an honor roll student who has never been in trouble or given any reason to believe he was doing anything he shouldn’t be in the room? And I can easily pick that lock. He can access the room whenever he wants.”
I feel like people think talking about sex or drinking with kids is a gateway to something “bad.” For example, if you give your child a key to the door, what is stopping them from doing anything there? However, most parents on Reddit felt that a lock on the bedroom door was a privilege and a good thing to have. However, as a result of bad actions, you may end up losing your keys.
One commenter wrote, “We’ve always had complete trust with Rock, but when we do something that betrays our parents’ trust, we lose Rock privilege.”
“As long as it’s used properly. Everyone needs privacy from time to time,” another woman shared, even noting that it was especially true for her, who has a 14-year-old son.
One commenter said, “I think it’s okay as long as you can rush in in case of an emergency.”
Another person completely agreed with the OP and cited her brother and her mother, who came over without hesitation, as reasons for allowing the lock. “I grew up with my sisters, so you’d better believe my door was always locked. Not only did my sisters break in, but so did my mom. I didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted a space that wasn’t open to random break-ins. It’s pretty normal for a teenager to have a lock on their bedroom door. In general, it’s normal to have a lock on your bedroom door.”
However, some commenters disagreed, arguing that the door locks were pointless. Teens should close the door if they need privacy, and if siblings or parents want to come in, they can knock.
“In a supportive and safe home, no one should have to lock their bedroom door. However, not every home is cooperative and safe in a way that suits all residents of that home. So, again, that’s not inherently a bad thing, but in my experience, it’s far from normal,” one person wrote.
“The kids have door locks, but we don’t use them. We respect closed doors and knock first,” another woman shared.
All good, right? But I think there’s something nice and secure about door locks. Even if there is a knock, a parent or sibling may not wait until the teen answers to enter the home, or the teen may be changing or doing something private and take several minutes to open the door. Locking up appears to help teens feel more secure in their safe space, provided a foundation of trust has been built between them.
No matter what, you should never say “no, no, no” to your teenager locking their bedroom door. If you want it and you are hesitant, ask why. Was it because my brother broke in? Is it because there isn’t enough time between knocking and opening the door? Do they just want a little more privacy? If you go from there, you’re sure to find a solution that makes everyone, especially teens, feel comfortable.
