If you have kids or use social media, you’ve probably heard of Needoh. Most commonly shaped like ice cubes, incredibly soft and flexible squishy sensory toys have gone viral in recent months. disappeared From store shelves. Every day in my local Facebook group, there are moms begging other moms to share where they’ve found Niedo. “This is the only thing my child put in his Easter basket,” one mother wrote. “I can’t find it anywhere.”
Other parents suggest looking into Five Below or Ace Hardware to find them, giving strange alternatives. “We really have to look for them,” says one mother. “I found three that were clearly hidden by another parent and bought them immediately.”
There is a Facebook group called Needoh Lovers. We have over 60,000 members and over 90 posts per day. day. Within seconds of posting Needoh for sale, one user had already received 18 comments asking to buy it. Another group, Needoh Restock Alerts and Other Squishies, has more than 19,000 members and more than 70 posts per day. One of the posts in that group simply asked, “Hey everyone, how are you doing today? Did you find Niedo??” There were nearly 150 comments there, including one with a photo of the Niedo they had found.
One photo in particular shows Niedo harvesting a huge harvest, with a commenter proudly writing, “What a great day!” She explained that she visited three different stores and could only buy three items in one transaction, and that she and her daughter had to split the income to buy them all. She says it’s for the kids, but she also sells it “at cost price” to other mothers who are looking.
But if they had remained on store shelves, maybe another mom might have found them?
From the Cabbage Patch Kids of the ’80s to Tickle Me Elmos and the Beanie Babies in the ’90s to Fingering and the Hatchimals of the 2010s, there’s a long history of mothers fighting and waiting outside Target’s closed doors to get what their children want. So it’s no surprise that Facebook groups are now flooded with moms asking where they can buy the much-talked-about Ni-Do sensory balls, or begging for just a pack of Pokemon cards because Walmart sold out before they got there. It is natural for children to want to give what they have asked for. We want to be their heroes. We want them to be happy.
But what happens when the urge to shop is not for your child’s benefit, but for your own benefit?
Mothers often think of getting something “for their child” before it is gone forever. Like the Beanie Baby craze, some mothers make it their entire personality to take things that their children love, such as fluffy toys, and give them more and more of them. In some cases, it may start before the child notices. For example, the bamboo pajama craze is turning everyday moms into Facebook group warriors setting alarms on their phones. Because another limited edition will be released. toy story Dropped from a popular apparel brand.
Sometimes it’s something your child once enjoyed, like a monster truck, a retired Little People princess set, or a stuffed Jellycat. Then, out of the blue, you meet up with strangers on Facebook Marketplace and end up paying $75 for a Clip Crop horse that Fisher-Price discontinued in 2014.
We already know that mothers control the economy. In fact, women (whether mothers or not) are responsible for up to 85% of consumer purchasing decisions. Companies know what they’re doing by marketing to children (kids will tell their mothers) need Needo’s rights now) And by pasting words like “Limited Edition” and “Coming Soon” on social media posts aimed at moms.
But why do we fall for it? Why do we drive to seven stores on a Sunday for a little squishy toy? Why do we keep boxes of squishmallows, squishmallows that we’ve spent hours collecting on the internet, barely able to touch?
“This is really interesting to me because it sits at the intersection of identity, anxiety, and dopamine, which people don’t usually connect with,” says Tracy Collins, a licensed clinical psychologist. She says mothers’ “must have this” urge isn’t really about the item. That’s what it means to get the item.
“There’s a real neurological reward loop going on: the hunt, refreshing the page, checking out before it sells out, that whole sequence releases dopamine in the same way gambling does,” she says. “And when you post your harvest or the shelf at the nursery, you get recognition on top of that. Now you get a chemical reward and a social reward. It’s a powerful combination.”
Although Collins and I both believe that not all mothers will shout it out loud, there is clearly a level of competition in this shopping obsession. “Especially online,” she says. “When you look at other moms’ playroom setups, you can suddenly feel inadequate even though your child has a perfectly respectable toy collection. I work with moms who logically know that their 3-year-old doesn’t need a $200 wooden kitchen, but emotionally, it feels like proof that they’re doing a good job. The purchase is proof that they’re a good mom. Wearing pajamas is really heavy.”
i love your child toy story. You watch movies every day, you play with Buzz and Woody every night, and you bond with them by remembering your childhood movie memories. It’s only natural to feel a rush of excitement and adrenaline when Little Sleepy’s tells you they’re doing a Toy Story drop. Because I know how much my children love them. Pajamas with your favorite character? From a brand you trust? In your favorite style?
Your teenager never comes out of his room, so he asks Target to take him. They hear that there’s a new Needo there and they really want it. You’re not spending one-on-one time with them forever. They won’t ask you to do anything. of course You’ll want to buy 8,000 of those fluffy little ice cubes.
However, it can quickly turn into a vicious cycle. And it’s hard to remember if your child is actually okay with that pair. toy story They are pajamas you already have. It’s hard to remember that you really only need to buy one needle. It’s hard to remember that just because your tween loves Squishmallow the Cat doesn’t mean they need every novelty thing available.
There’s definitely an element of connecting with your child through these things that you want them to carry with them forever.
“In behavioral science, we call this the extended self. What we buy, in this case what we put on our children, becomes an extension of our own identity. Children are the canvas for a mother’s self-concept, which is why collections continue to grow long after the child is older. The feedback loop was never about the child,” says Dr. Nicole Arnett Sanders, a consumer behaviorist who studies shopping psychology.
She cited her own home as an example, saying that when she was a child she really wanted an American Girl doll, but never got one.
“As the story goes, my 5-year-old son now has way too many American Girl dolls and all sorts of accessories. And the day she finally started playing with them, I was beyond excited. It’s an extension of the self in real time. I wasn’t actually buying the doll for her; I was restoring a part of my own childhood through her. Most mothers’ ‘must-have’ purchases are doing some version of that, even if we don’t realize it. ”
And once your child is satisfied with their needy, jellycat, or pair of pajamas, moves on, and no longer requests them, why not? we Continue?
“The fact that the collection continues even after the child has moved away shows that it was never just for the child,” Collins says. “At one point, it became the mother’s hobby, her identity, a creative outlet, and even a coping mechanism. I’ve sat with clients whose closets were full of clothes that their children had worn once or never. We laugh about it, but usually it’s just… There’s something behind it. Sometimes shopping is the only area in your life where you feel in control. Parenting can be so chaotic and unpredictable, but clicking ‘Add to Cart’ gives you this little moment of agency.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy your child anything they want. But as Collins points out, when the urgency to buy these things feels “more compulsive than fun,” or when you’re under financial stress (some of the women featured in the Beanie Babies documentary are still struggling with bankruptcy), it’s time to reevaluate your spending habits.
Sanders points out that these brands can also become mothers’ “uniforms” and that their shopping obsessions directly impact mothers. “Moms aren’t buying Little Sleepy’s pajamas; they’re buying a sense of social identity and belonging within the mom in-group. COVID-19 has poured gasoline on this with a phenomenon researchers call compensatory consumption, which is when people feel a deficit in their sense of belonging, identity, and control, and then fill the gap. A whole group of first-time moms, including myself, who didn’t have a support system in real life, channeled all that loneliness into shopping. ”
And that means we have a one-sided emotional bond with someone. “I feel like we know, but no one is going to turn us over,” Sanders says. So when your favorite influencer on Instagram says this is a “must have,” your brain processes it like “advice from a trusted friend, not a marketing message,” she says. “Layer on cues of scarcity, such as limited quantities, ‘only 3 left’, and surprise restocks. And layer on completion bias. Once the collection begins, the brain tries to complete the set, even when the child has moved on to dinosaurs. And a near-perfect storm of overbuying ensues. By the way, dopamine is released in hunting and winning, not in having, and that’s exactly why things end up in the attic.”
The hunt and the victory, the bond with the child, and the growing feeling of being a good mother. No wonder marketing agencies know exactly how to make us feel like worthy parents only if they stop at every Target within 55 miles of us to find Needow.
If the thrill of the chase is fun for you and you and your kids can have a great bonding day on Saturday looking for needles, then go all in. Drink a milkshake after your meal. So let’s end it there. Because you are a good mother. You got what they wanted. It was fun to find it.
And now you can move on with your life.
