Before I had kids, birthday parties were all about cake, music, and general fun. After the children, it’s about cake, music, and the complex dynamics of children’s friendships and inviting conversations. Who do you invite? Who will be left behind? Do you want to skip all parties and have a “Yes Day” or go on a trip? When it comes to throwing a child’s birthday party, there are many things to consider. So what do you do when you, as a potential guest, are also in the middle of a complicated situation?
A mom on Reddit is looking for suggestions on how to deal with a difficult friendship with her 10-year-old daughter and the ever-complicated birthday invitation drama that we all encounter at some point as parents.
She explains in a post about “Am I The A**hole?” The subreddit posted that a girl who transferred to her child’s school was becoming a “problem.”
She said the fifth-grader was extremely disruptive during class and even stole food from other children, including her daughter, during lunch. This child also has a hard time giving personal space to his children.
“My daughter is not her biggest fan overall,” she wrote, before speculating that the child might be on the autism spectrum.
“This brings me to the point. Emilia sent out an invitation to her birthday, but her daughter doesn’t want to go. I think she’s old enough to make such a decision. The problem is, I’ve talked to the other parents (the parents of my daughter’s friends) and they don’t want to go either.”
As a result, it seems like no one will go to the girls’ night out, so she feels guilty and wonders if she should let her daughter go.
She is torn between knowing that her daughter is old enough to choose to attend on her own and feeling sorry that no one will be attending this girls’ night out. She worries that it was her fault for not letting her daughter go.
After her post gained attention, she received many helpful comments from fellow Reddit users. Some users firmly believed that the OP should do that. do not have Send her daughter to the party.
“NTA. Girls shouldn’t be taught to put themselves in uncomfortable situations to please others,” one user wrote in the most upvoted comment.
Another woman warned: “Keep this in mind. If you force her, she will become Emilia’s new ‘best friend’ and Emilia will always try to be her companion at school. It will alienate your daughter from her real friends.”
“No, it’s fine for your daughter to independently decide whether to attend the party or not. But it’s important to teach her to regret it early so her classmates’ families can plan accordingly,” one user agreed.
However, some parents empathized with the birthday girl and her family and shared their own anecdotes.
“This! All the way home! I agree that children shouldn’t be forced to do anything they don’t want to do. But it’s also not bad to walk a little in someone else’s shoes. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot… And I’m the mother of a little boy, 3 years old, who thinks a hug is a nice gesture. About personal space, etc. “It’s hard because while I’m trying to teach him, I understand that it’s his way of showing his friends that he likes them. There’s no malicious intent, he just doesn’t quite understand personal space yet and I can imagine this little girl’s mother is going through a similar time,” one user said.
“My daughter is autistic and is difficult to love. When two of the kids in the whole class came to the last ‘all class’ party we had, she was beside herself with joy that they came and had a wonderful time. “Because kids like this really need love and friends, too. But it’s really your daughter’s decision. It doesn’t help anyone if she shows up with an unhappy attitude. Make an effort, but don’t force it.”
After some input, the OP released an update on the situation.
“I have decided to respect my daughter’s no. She has already explained why she doesn’t want to go and I respect that,” she wrote.
“Today, I’m going to meet the parents when I pick them up, let them know that I can’t attend, and wish them an early birthday.”
Read the full Reddit thread here.
