I thought I would have a lot of time to enjoy my kids. There are also plenty of holiday, birthday, and Sunday dinners. Life was busy when my three children were teenagers. Sometimes I was so busy that I couldn’t even take a breath.
As a mother, I gave my all to my children, and now that they are gone, I have no regrets at all. If I had the chance, I would do it all over again…and I wish I had the chance.
But if I could do some things differently, I would. It’s funny how when our kids are little, everyone gives us advice and reminds us to enjoy it because time flies.
But then what? Yes, time flies. When children grow up and leave the nest, it is both exciting and sad at the same time.
You know what no one told you? No one told me how to prepare it. What will I do with my life after my three children leave home? I thought that somehow I would know exactly what to do, but that wasn’t the case. It was a very strange time. Sure, the freedom was great, but I no longer knew what my purpose was. And far beyond not being able to see my children, I was unprepared for the huge void that freedom left.
I missed who I used to be. deeply.
There are countless books out there about navigating pregnancy and early childhood, but not when it comes to being a teenager. Here’s what I wish someone had told me about this stage of my life:
1. Start thinking now about what your life will be like when your children leave home.
You probably have more free time than you think. Not only did I not know what to do with that time, my thoughts and days were different. Everything was different. I no longer have to buy or cook a lot of food. My errands have been cut in half, and is it quiet? Well, it was more difficult than I expected. If I had known it would turn out like that, I would have started investing in my future a little earlier and enjoyed my time to the fullest. Taking up a new hobby, taking a class, or volunteering is not recommended. And, if possible, start while the kids are still there so you have an established routine when they leave.
2. Understand that it will take some getting used to.
That’s really weird. Even though I was having a fulfilling life, it took me over a year to stop feeling so…empty. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I wasn’t expecting anything like that. I’ve always wondered when I’ll be back to my old self, but I’m evolving into a new version of myself, so there’s no need to rush. That’s exactly what happens when you go from having kids at home to not having kids at home. please take it easy. Feel the emotions that the loss of your child brings. Please know that there will be moments of bliss, but there will also be moments of sadness as you miss them. It takes some time to get used to it.
3. You may feel like you don’t know what to do next with your life.
I went through a period where I didn’t know what direction to go. Throughout my life, I knew what was going to happen next: school, marriage, buying a house, kids. Then there was a blank space in front of me and I felt a little lost. The truth is, I could do whatever I wanted, which was liberating, but also a little scary. of course I still think about my kids and they always come first. And they will always need me in a different way. But they don’t need me as much as they used to, so this half of my life was left wide open and I had no plan for this chapter.
Make it feel awkward. Make yourself sad. It’s okay to feel lost and not rush to fill the space. This is a time to rediscover yourself, and it’s a great time to let go. this is unsuitablemost of your daily choices are completely your own. Even if you don’t enjoy it at first, take your time and enjoy it. That way it will definitely be fun.
katie She lives in Maine with her three children, two ducks, and a Goldendoodle. When I’m not writing, I’m reading, going to the gym, redecorating my house, or spending way too much money online.
