As a mother of a child who has graduated from and is about to enter middle school, I know how complex this time is in a child’s life. Even outside of the context of other children, it is a time of extraordinary change and transition: physically, mentally, and emotionally. When you put people with that kind of experience into a school, well, as they say, something happens. According to the National Bullying Prevention Center, bullying tends to peak in middle school. That’s great news for kids graduating from middle school, but not so good news for kids starting school. How can parents help? TikTok creator and Ph.D. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta shared some thoughtful advice for preparing your child for middle school.
“Sixth grade is the worst grade for bullying,” she admits. And even if your child escapes the brunt of the bullying behavior, it will almost certainly testify That’s at school.
“Today, I saw your sixth graders blushing as one kid told another that girls can’t play basketball because they don’t know how to play,” Hauge-Zabreta said. “Later, during group work, your child saw another child unable to find their group, but no one noticed, and when they finally found their group, everyone rolled their eyes but your child didn’t say anything… Your child saw another child throw away a little boy’s backpack. The bus driver wasn’t looking, so the child picked it up by himself and your child didn’t say anything.
It can be confusing and difficult…and it can be mentally taxing, especially for them who are learning how to navigate situations like this.
“I know you asked your child, ‘How was school?’ and they said, ‘Okay,’ but you didn’t know what to say. They didn’t know how you would react,” she continued. “They didn’t know if you were going to be angry or understand. They didn’t know if you were going to be disappointed in them. So they didn’t say anything.
Hauge-Zavreta suggests that the best way to help them speak up about these things is through modeling.
“You need to talk about a time when you felt left out. Your child needs to know that he or she is not alone in having hard stories. Your hard stories give your child space to tell their hard stories.”
So instead of asking the basic question, “How was school?”, she suggested some alternatives.
- “Did you see anyone struggling today?”
- “Did you learn anything about the new kid?”
- “If you could change one thing about your school life, what would it be?”
“Because there are literally millions of kids out there tonight…when their parents ask, ‘How was school?’ and they say, ‘Okay.’ But… school wasn’t great today,” she concluded.
These conversations aren’t always easy, but being a middle school student isn’t easy either. Your child may not necessarily open up to you either. But let them know you know “It may be difficult” is an important step to let them know that you will understand if they come to you.
