All parents want their children to find themselves. What drives them, it gives them passion and purpose. Something that makes them look forward to waking up in the morning, something that they can hold onto no matter what is swirling around them. It doesn’t always have to constitute their complete identity, but just an anchor of hobbies, interests, dreams, etc. that they can cultivate as they grow. But if your child seems to lack that spark, you may feel like you’ve done something wrong.
One parent shared these exact sentiments on the /parenting subreddit. The original poster (OP) wrote that their only child, a 12-year-old son, was “lacking sparkle.” Apparently they encouraged him to try all kinds of clubs, tech stuff, track and field, but nothing interested him. He does the bare minimum at school and doesn’t invite friends over or hang out with him unless his parents plan to do so. “If we let him do his own thing, he’ll probably just lie in his room and listen to audiobooks. He never wants to go outside or invite friends over, even though we consistently encourage him,” OP wrote.
OP said that at her son’s age, she feels like she’s always going outside and running around with friends, and it bothers her that her son’s childhood feels so different. They asked for tips and strategies and shared that what they really want is for their child to find their spark in something, anything, and engage with their friends and community.
Phew.
I think everyone has been there at least once. Whether you’re worried that your child isn’t paying enough attention to school or their friends, or that they’re spending too much screen time, it’s normal to want your child to have a full and balanced life. We want them to find the things that are important to them, and then want to do those things, be successful, and strive to get better. All of that. And of course, everyone wants their child to have a healthy social life. Especially given all the research on teenagers and how isolation and loneliness affect children.
But as pointed out in the reply to the OP, it’s important to remember that some children have a different structure than we would expect.
One commenter shared, “He seems to be able to do extracurricular activities. But other than that, he’s an introvert so it’s not a problem at all.”
Another wrote, “I’m definitely going to talk to him about how I feel emotionally. Even if he feels good, not everyone finds their spark at a young age! I’m passionate about what I do, but only recently (as an adult with a husband and kids) did I find out what it was last year. I got my degree, but I won’t be using it because I finally found my passion!”
I personally liked this advice. “It’s not easy to start doing this if your kids aren’t used to it, but if the weather is nice, you don’t let your kids inside until dinner time. In the summer, kids have to go out right after dinner until it gets dark. “You end up spending a lot of time standing outside, thinking about it. But you end up riding your bike over to your neighbor’s house and knocking on the door. The only way to get them to do something is to first make sure they’re completely bored and then get their mind active.” If he’s a bookworm, feel free to throw a paper book outside. Perhaps he will build a reading fort in the house. ”
But there were so many great ideas for introverted kids who love audiobooks, and the comments didn’t stop.
“What kind of audiobooks is he into? Do you know if he’s more interested in book events? Clubs, author signings, even Comic-Con?” one person suggested.
“Look into children’s tabletop games (like Dungeons & Dragons) or LARPs in your area. This was the magic ticket for several similar kids I know,” said another.
“Can’t we connect him to a coding kids type place and cuddle up to the fun of video games? There are a lot of them here. They do a lot of group activities like coding robots and contests and collaborations. It allows for a love of video game stuff, but doesn’t allow them to lose themselves in video games, instead using it to foster connections,” another suggestion reads.
Some commenters noted that they too have children with similar interests and shared what worked for them.
“Here’s what works for my more reserved, introverted son who doesn’t have the talent to try sports and needs to recharge his social batteries.
- Gaming/Coding Camps and Classes
- boy scout
- Golf lessons (a non-team sport that does not require quick thinking)
- chess
- Lego
- As a social opportunity, I allow myself to FaceTime with friends for about 30 minutes each night while playing video games like Minecraft.
- ‘Go outside and play for an hour’…this may include taking a book outside and reading on top of a tree or fort. ”
And some of you made sure to share that there’s nothing wrong with your kids getting excited about video games and audiobooks. There’s a huge stigma around “screen time,” but honestly, it’s all about what your child is doing on the screen, and video games (not social media or watching endless videos) aren’t actually as bad as you think.
More than anything, the commenter wanted OP to watch over their child. Some said that depression often leads in this direction, but others suggested just talking to your child to see if they have any feelings that are keeping them from getting excited or participating in new things. But after all, 12 years old is still very young. It seems like the OP’s child is at least interested in books (she also mentioned that Percy Jackson and mythology are big loves for her child) and video games. So, if you want to increase interest, you can tell about them in detail.
However, children can be quieter and more reserved than we think. The world is different than when we were young, and so are our entertainment options. It’s easy to say, “When I was 12, I was running around outside,” but that’s not necessarily easy for a 12-year-old in 2026.
The whole Reddit post was a great reminder that it’s always worth a try. Several commenters said, “Take them to an event that fits their interests and see what happens,” but honestly, this feels like the least convincing advice. Love your kids, talk to your kids, listen to them. I’m sure the kids will be fine.
