Here's Why You Probably Hate When Your Newborn Smells Like Others

Becoming a parent for the first time is a multi-sensory experience. Just looking at your newborn through hazy, tired eyes can evoke feelings of wonder and awe. Their skin is soft and delicate to the touch, and their cries can (and will) echo throughout the room.

When it comes to scent, it’s common for new parents to be intoxicated by the scent of their newborn. But what happens when a family member holds a baby and returns it with a smell like lotion or perfume? One mother posted on Instagram why she is innately irritated by changes in smell and why other parents react more strongly to their baby’s new, unrecognizable smell.

And while some parents understood her anger, others were confused. So does this Instagrammer’s post pass the sniff test? We spoke to four mental health experts to find out more.

“It’s not personal, it’s fundamental.”

In her Instagram Reels, mother Rosa Franco modeled how it feels when her baby comes back to her after being held by someone wearing strong perfume. In the clip, she can be seen holding the baby, kissing his head, taking a deep sniff, and then wincing at the sniff.

“It’s not personal, it’s fundamental,” she captioned her video. “When your baby’s scent changes to someone else’s perfume, it triggers a defensive instinct and registers in your brain as an intrusion.”

While this may be a surprising anecdote to most people (myself included), experts claim that parenting is full of surprises. “Most new parents are faced with the realization that no matter how many books they read or how many times they babysit, they’re still completely unprepared, both logically and emotionally, for everything that’s coming their way,” says Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, PMH-C, a licensed therapist in Los Angeles who specializes in postpartum mental health.

Universal or unique?

Franco’s video made others aware of why parents feel they need to set boundaries about wearing strong scents when holding their newborn.

“It’s okay to ask visitors not to wear perfume or harsh lotions,” she wrote. “Smell has a hormonal effect on oxytocin, so a change in smell is perceived by both mom and baby as an intrusion. Smells not only intensify during pregnancy, but also after birth. It’s not all in your head. I’ve changed the baby’s clothes many times right after…this is what happened.”

Some commenters had mixed feelings. On the other hand, some people share similar experiences.

One person wrote: “This is very normal.” “If you think about it, we are taught not to touch baby animals because the mother might reject them, kill them, or eat them. It’s probably the exact same mechanism/instinct for us (though less extreme). A baby smells like someone else, so it instinctively feels wrong.”

“My husband thought I was crazy when I told him how upset I was when his mother and my mother held my baby and then heard it smelled just like the baby,” another woman agreed. “Good to know it wasn’t me.”

But now some people are wondering if they are the only ones having the opposite experience.

Exhibit A: “Am I the only one who doesn’t care about this?” one commenter asked.

“It doesn’t bother me at all. It means I’ve had it for a long time. And it’s washable,” wrote another.

expert opinion

While not everything you see on Instagram about parenting is true, mental health experts say the idea that fragrances can irritate new parents is plausible. “The brain’s limbic system, which controls emotions and instincts, is highly sensitive to scent,” explains Dr. Crystal Saidi, a licensed psychologist with California-based Thriveworks. “Babies are hardwired to recognize their mother’s natural scent. Foreign odors, such as strong perfumes, can disrupt this olfactory connection.”

Dr. Emily Bly, a licensed clinical psychologist, explains that this phenomenon is a product of evolution and the desire to survive.

“Most people don’t think much about this, but it represents one of the most fundamental aspects of human, and frankly animal, nature,” says Dr. Bligh. “Infants naturally identify their mother’s unique scent, and binding chemicals such as oxytocin are activated in the mother’s brain. When natural scent disruption occurs, the body’s internal alarm system is activated.”

Dr. Bligh says when your baby comes back, be prepared to smell like he always does and be surprised by the strong smell. “The vulnerable postpartum period of hormonal changes and strong emotions can be very worrying,” explains Dr. Bligh.

In fact, there are several studies, including one from 2019. physiology and behaviorsupports this idea.

“This study confirms that mothers and babies bond through scent, as their sense of smell becomes more sensitive after birth,” says Dr. Saidi. “In a sense, it’s nature’s way of reinforcing attachment. The mothers on Instagram…discomfort with strong scents is not just a personal preference, but part of a primal urge to protect and bond with their babies.”

However, this may not be the case It’s just a biological reaction that causes this frustration. Goldberg says that depending on the situation, it could be a combination of biological symptoms and irritability.

“Sometimes it can feel intrusive in that someone doesn’t really care about their scent and gets frustrated about touching the baby,” Goldberg says. “New mothers, who are often already overwhelmed, may feel frustrated at having to consult someone if they come over again, or having to bathe their child because of it. Often, that frustration is directed at the person who caused the problem, even if unintentionally. This is typically the case.”

Why some parents have boundaries around perfume

Some parents have scent boundaries even before their baby is born and their primitive instincts take hold. Dr. Bligh says parents may prefer to go unscented for gatherings due to concerns about:

• Allergic reaction/skin irritation (self or baby)
• Concerns about respiratory problems such as coughs caused by scents in newborns
• Odors that overwhelm newborns and parents
• Concerns about the potential effects of endocrine disrupting chemicals in scented products

Set a border around the fragrance

If scent is an issue, it’s perfectly reasonable to set boundaries around scent.

“If you find the scent overwhelming or unpleasant, it’s okay to say so. Comfort is important, especially in the early stages of bonding,” says Dr. Saidi.

To set these boundaries firmly but kindly, follow these expert-recommended tips.

• Be proactive. Dr. Saidi suggests expressing your desire to host odor-free gatherings around your baby. in front Friends and family show up. Discomfort and irritation will be reduced.
• Please clarify. Goldberg says it’s important to be clear about your boundaries. “Define what your boundaries will be,” says Goldberg. “Is it just about perfumes and lotions, or does it extend to the smell of soaps, detergents, and clothes? Is that line there for everyone, or just for people who are around babies all the time?”
• Framing is important. Ying Yang suggests structuring your request to fit your baby’s needs. “People usually have a better response about protecting newborns,” she explains.
• Words and tone are important. Your instincts for scent may have evolved, but (while staying true to yourself) try to avoid primal screaming at people. “Your tone and word choice should reflect the way you speak, whether it’s warm, respectful, or firm,” says Yingyan.
• try humor. Dr. Bligh likes to mix humor and a bit of self-deprecation with firm demands, which helps defuse tense situations. “If you try to wrap the serious parts in a playful tone, you can usually go wrong,” she says.

Dr. Bligh has provided a sample script for parents below that is light-hearted but gets the point across. Feel free to copy and paste it into your prenatal group chat or use it as a starting point for a personal message.