Those who worked before having children may have had a desire to advance further in their career or find a better, more successful position. Perhaps you wanted to get to the top of the corporate ladder or manage an entire business. Maybe you know that your current position isn’t good enough and eventually you want to do more. A raise, a promotion, success after success is what we all want, right?
And we have children.
One parent asked a parenting group on Reddit, “Has anyone given up on career advancement after having children?” The original poster (OP) said they have been working for an American company for 16 years, starting out as customer service representatives making $16 an hour and now producing 6 people in the same company’s software development department. OP said it was always their intention to climb higher and higher up the ladder, and they often worked on weekends and well past 5pm deadlines to ensure they achieved that.
“Then the kids come along and I don’t mind climbing the people’s ladder at all. I don’t want to be a director and I don’t want any more work responsibilities. In fact, I’m still on a schedule to leave at 5 p.m., and by 4:50 I’m right out of there and packing to go home,” the OP wrote. “Work has gone from being top two on my list to probably near the bottom. Now being with my family is number one. Times have changed pretty dramatically.”
According to the comments, they are never alone.
“That’s right! As soon as my kids were born, instead of thinking, ‘I want to be successful and make a lot of money,’ I was like, ‘I just want to be financially secure, give my kids a good start in life, and spend time with them,'” one commenter wrote. They added that jobs and promotions that require nights and weekends are a no-no. “I want to maintain this level forever.”
“I’m on the hunt myself. I already know my career is at a standstill (but I have a lot of time to spend with my family, so that’s okay). But I’m actively looking for a job that’s barely a step up from my current/previous job so I don’t have to take on more responsibility,” another person shared.
“Yes, the only people I want to be my best self in life are my kids and my husband,” another wrote. “I’m not going to blow up at work because I need the money to feed my kids. But they take exactly 75% of me and nothing more. I work too hard and get too little to never feel like it’s worth giving 100% to a company.”
But other commenters were quick to point out that while they don’t want a high-stress job that takes them away from their families, the lure of making more money is definitely still there.
“Not at all, but there are days when I think, ‘What if I could make more money for my family?'” one commenter wrote.
One mother said she feels like the exact opposite of OP and actually works harder now and hopes to accomplish more once she has kids. “I want to give my daughter financial security and a comfortable life, something that was missing in my childhood. I also want her to understand that women exist in more than just homes. That’s one of the reasons I love her kindergarten. It’s all thanks to her high-achieving parents.”
Another mother added that she could quit her corporate job, but not her academic job. “After I left the corporate world, I enrolled in a master’s program and loved it. I ended up getting pregnant and publishing my paper while eight months pregnant. I had no problem being a SAHM, but now I really miss my academic career,” she wrote. “I think I’ll be a PhD candidate once my kids are school age (I’m planning on having more kids). I was hoping to wait until my kids are in high school, but I don’t think I can wait that long.”
Bottom line: It all depends on what you are passionate about. Of course, it’s normal for work to become a lower priority and only family to be important, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up all your dreams and hopes. You regroup, work hard on what’s important, and try not to stress about your rest.
This thread on Reddit reminds us that being satisfied isn’t a bad thing. There seems to be a lot of pressure to go, go, get a bigger promotion, make more money, accomplish more. But if you’re doing whatever you’re doing, whether it’s a corporate job or a part-time job, and you’re happy doing it, why mess with a good thing?
And seriously, no matter what your job is, leave work when you’re supposed to. Please do a good job. But don’t give up your soul. Maintain your own work ethic and be proud of yourself without sacrificing your life. This is easier said than done, but it’s important.
