Building a Strong Bond With Your Baby, No Matter How You Feed

Feeding your baby is one of the first ways you connect, and whether it’s done at the breast, with a bottle, or a combination of both, the moments you share are about more than just nourishment. Still, it’s common for parents who bottle feed to worry that they’re missing out on something essential or that they won’t be able to form as deep a bond with their baby.

But attachment is not just about feeding. It’s about the connection built during those early days and weeks: eye contact, hugs, soothing voices, and responding to your baby’s cues. Research shows that babies are able to form safe and loving bonds with their caregivers in a variety of feeding environments. The most important thing is that they feel safe, comforted and loved.

In other words, whether you’re using formula, pumping, or breastfeeding, you already have what you need to foster a strong and healthy bond.

How to make breastfeeding time feel intimate

Regardless of the type of feeding, babies form bonds with the adults who care for them through many actions that are repeated every day. “Hormonal stimulation, physical intimacy, and learning responsive breastfeeding are just a few,” says Dawnita Wicks, MSN,RN, an internationally certified lactation consultant. “Many of these things can be incorporated into bottle feeding and support healthy intimacy between caregiver and baby.”

Oxytocin, the bonding love hormone, is released by parents in response to certain infant behaviors, such as when a baby clings to a parent, makes certain facial expressions or sounds, and, of course, while breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding, in particular, helps produce oxytocin due to skin-to-skin proximity and contact. But experts say you can create binding hormones by adjusting the way you bottle feed your baby. “Bottle-feeding your baby in a way that preserves the ability to observe these behaviors supports the continued release of love hormones while bottle-feeding,” says Wicks.

Closeness and skin-to-skin contact also fosters a sense of security, calms the infant, and creates a positive association with breastfeeding. For parents who bottle feed, this may seem like exposing skin while breastfeeding.

The role of responsive feeding

Responsive feeding, or feeding in response to your baby’s hunger cues, plays a huge role in the bond that parents form. This method allows for deeper communication between parent and baby, as parents are actively looking for facial expressions and body language that let their baby know that they are hungry.

“The mistake many families make when bottle-feeding is to put immediate feeding on the back burner in exchange for a more structured, high-pressure approach to developing sleep structure and a sense of control,” says Wicks.

Some parents believe that it’s difficult to implement responsive feeding when bottle feeding, but Wick says that’s not true at all. “Actually, it’s the opposite,” she explains. “Relying on ‘done’ schedules and set goals for when your baby finishes drinking milk, rather than your baby’s cues, can lead to intense baby behavior and can be very confusing for parents.” ”

Scheduled breastfeeding can lead to overfeeding or underfeeding, which can cause unpleasant sensations in your baby, including painful gas (and the crying that comes with it), difficulty sleeping, and not feeling truly full.

Here’s how to start responsive bottle feeding.

• First, determine the amount of milk that is in the natural range for a baby of that age and weight.
• Support your baby in the correct position with your arms, never Lay it on your back. This allows them to temporarily stop drinking and go at their own pace. “Consider holding your baby in your arms with their head elevated so you can maintain eye contact while supporting paced feeding,” says Wick.
• Hold the bottle horizontally and adjust the amount of milk that comes out of the bottle.
• Instead of shoving the bottle nipple into the baby’s mouth, try stroking your baby’s mouth so that the baby can open his mouth and receive the bottle on his own.
• Once your baby starts sucking on the nipple, tip the bottle and fill it with milk.
• This is the perfect moment to pay attention to your baby and learn his hunger cues. This will help you decide when and how much to feed later on.

It is also important to be careful not to choke or gargle, and to adjust the tilt of the bottle. “And finally, don’t expect to have to finish the bottle,” says Wick. “This is very important. You have to be okay with wasting a little milk.”

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An opportunity to bond beyond the bottle

Using close contact techniques to burp your baby after feeding and switch positions with your baby is a great way to build confidence and connection.

Wicks says burping and feeding your baby while you tuck him into your chest in a blanket is the best way to bond and learn more about your baby. “Think of this as a time for your baby to transition from feeding, rather than a burping task. Especially when bottle-feeding, your baby needs time for his abdomen to signal satisfaction to his brain. This gives caregivers time to feel the baby’s calm, relaxed body and practice responsive feeding,” she explains. “And that confidence is invaluable.”

Breastfeeding isn’t the only time to develop intimacy with your baby; you can always have eye contact, cuddling, physical contact, and skin-to-skin contact, explains Dr. Christine McGregor, national clinical director of integrative behavioral health specializing in pregnancy and postpartum at LifeStance Health.

“Plus, talk or sing to your baby while making eye contact,” she says. “Read to your baby or show them pictures, even if they don’t understand words yet. Make funny faces, play peek-a-boo, or take them for a walk around the neighborhood. Talk to your baby while you do these things. All of these are opportunities to bond with your baby and get to know him.”

When to ask for help

Some parents feel a bond with their baby even while they’re in the womb, while others feel like they’ve just given birth to a stranger and still need to get to know them, and both reactions are completely normal, MacGregor says. “Just because you don’t feel that bond right away doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong as a mother,” she says. “It’s normal to feel less connected, especially in the early stages.”

She suggests not forcing a bond and seeking support from other parents with similar experiences. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break. It’s okay to have your partner or other caregiver help you bond with your baby.

“Remember that your health is directly related to your baby’s health, so take care of yourself too,” she added.

However, feeling disconnected or indifferent to your baby can also be a symptom of postpartum depression. So if you’re having trouble bonding and experiencing significant sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, irritability, numbness, or alienation for more than two weeks postpartum, it’s a sign to seek professional help.

“The neonatal period is tough,” McGregor says. “You’re going through a big transition in your life, your hormones are at an all-time high, you’re not sleeping, and your newborn isn’t giving you much feedback yet, like smiles and coos that let you know you’re doing a good job. It’s normal to not feel connected, and you can have a hard time feeling bonded, especially in the early stages. Be patient with yourself and be patient with your baby.”

While breastfeeding is an important way to build a connection, the true foundation of attachment lies in the loving interactions that take place in the earliest moments: eye contact, cuddling, soothing voices, and attending to your baby’s needs. Babies can form safe and meaningful bonds in a variety of feeding situations. At the end of the day, we’re adamant that the most important thing is making your baby feel safe, comforted, and loved, whether you’re breastfeeding, bottle-feeding, or a mix of both.