When I had kids, I tried really hard to keep them on a regular nap schedule because skipping sleep can lead to chaotic days. However, my mother always claimed that in the 80’s she just took naps whenever it was convenient. I don’t know if that was really the way she was or if she was suffering from severe granesia.
Still, when there was a big family event like my brother’s wedding, I chose to take an interrupted nap rather than miss the big day.
Where do you draw the line when it comes to prioritizing your child’s sleep schedule or your family’s social calendar? One mom on Reddit’s parenting forum wants to know.
“My next of kin basically told me that I probably wouldn’t be able to attend my daughter’s christening or reception because it would be during her toddler’s nap time,” she began. “During the reception, I said I could set up a quiet sleeping space for my daughter in her nursery, but she said she was concerned about the noise.”
The poster went on to say that he completely understands because he had to make a similar decision himself.
“It’s funny, a few months ago I was really worried about going to a big family event two hours away,” she continued. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t go, but I was definitely nervous. At the time, my daughter had colic and was screaming out of her eyes in the car. I received a long email from the same family saying we had no choice but to force ourselves to go, and that our daughter wouldn’t get used to driving if we didn’t take her to faraway events. Lo and behold, we ended up going.”
She wondered if perhaps the standard was generational.
“When I asked my mom what parents usually did in the ’80s and ’90s, she said either we didn’t nap or we were napping at events,” she said.
After all, she believes that important events should take precedence over naps, even though consistency is generally important.
“My daughter is 10 months old and takes two naps. Usually I plan my day around her naps. But I make exceptions for things like Christmas, funerals, and baptisms,” she said. “She’s a light sleeper and doesn’t take naps when we’re out and about. But I’m willing to put up with a crappy day so I can stay involved with my family.”
There were a lot of different opinions in the comments, and as always, lots of advice.
The most popular post reads, “I don’t let my nap or bedtime dictate special occasions.” “But some people do. I don’t think there’s really a right or wrong answer. An invitation is just an invitation, not a summons.”
“Would you like to see a screaming toddler at your baptism, a screaming toddler with their parents outside the church or venue, or would you rather the toddler and parent not attend?” another asked. Good point!
“If you promise not to nap, you’re promising an absolutely miserable afternoon for me, my spouse, and our toddler,” another added. “Sometimes I’m motivated and sometimes I’m not. If the event itself extends into the afternoon, it’s really not worth it because we’ll all be so miserable that we won’t actually participate.”
“I think it really depends on the child too,” another added. “I wanted to be a calm, go-with-the-flow mom, but I have a toddler who only naps at home, and we still get into a lot of fights. If I skip naps completely, he gets so tired that bedtime is so hard, he wakes up in the middle of the night, and the next day’s naps are even worse, and it takes days to fix. So I rarely let him nap unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
Another poster agreed that it depends on the individual child.
“Kids all have different temperaments,” they said. “Two of my four children would have been fine in their carriers. They would nap on me and get a good two hours of sleep. My youngest was very temperamental, so missing a nap would have been hell.”
The bottom line?The parents of the child in question probably know the child’s needs, and the needs of the family, best. And… maybe they just don’t want to take their bratty 3-year-old with them to their cousin’s retirement party or what’s on the table. Either way, it’s ultimately not our job to guess or judge.
