When I had my first baby, I remember staying up all night when she was about 3 months old. I was extremely exhausted and felt like I had given up everything in my life to become a mother. At that moment, I absolutely I have no clue How and why people intentionally have multiple children.
It turns out I’m not alone. This week on Reddit’s One and Done forum, a new mom wanted to know how many people change their family plans right after having their first child.
“I have no idea why so many people don’t stop at one thing,” she wrote. “I wasn’t always one person. I originally wanted three or four children, but I actually went OAD with the birth of my first child. I can’t imagine having any more children. Being a parent is very difficult.”
She went on to say that her first child is still a newborn and seems incredibly tired and irritable.
“Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids to death, but newborns and infancy are just hell on earth,” she continues. “The worst part isn’t even the lack of sleep. It’s the constant screaming when I’m not being held, the fact that group feedings and comfort feedings never get better, and I worry that everything I do (or don’t do) will be ruined for the rest of my life. My parents taught me the lie that my baby would sleep better because I’ve been sleeping so much since I was born. Lies, lies, my child is allergic to sleep.”
Adding to the difficulty, it seems like she doesn’t have a partner who is fulfilling all her roles.
“My husband didn’t make postpartum any easier either,” she explains. “My house is falling apart and I can’t eat by myself unless someone else comes over. I thought all the moms who talk about the shower situation are full of shit. I’m lucky that I rarely get to shower, and for my mental health, I need to have an organized space. Even if he was a little different now, I still don’t think I want another baby. The chaos will only get worse as they move more freely.”
What she really wants to know is who would say this after the experience of having a newborn? Let’s do it again!
And has anyone else moved to the one-and-done camp knowing how unforgiving parenting can be?
Below the comments, she received a lot of encouragement and validation, and included many posters who said they felt (or feel) the same way.
“People always say to moms, ‘Oh, wait a minute, you’re going to miss this phase at some point.’ My daughter will be 7 in May…and while I obviously love her more than life itself, there’s still very little I miss about her earlier stages,” one poster wrote. “I’m really enjoying it.” now And I’m looking forward to all the great things we can experience together in the future…but I’m not looking forward to baby and toddler years, nor do I want to repeat it with new children. ”
“As those of us who have had a relatively easy experience so far (smooth pregnancy, great birth, not-so-bad recovery, and overall sleeping surprisingly well with a cold baby), we’re still OAD because we know that in an instant we could very well break down,” another wrote.
“Well, until the baby was born, I didn’t want to sleep because I thought there was more,” said another woman. “He’s three years old now and he’s gotten a lot better, but I wouldn’t say he’s great yet.”
“My child is 10 years old and I still get confused when I see people with multiple children. How?”
“I wanted a 6, but it quickly turned into an OAD.”
Many point out red flags in her husband that may be a big part of why raising a newborn is so difficult for her. And that’s a good point. It’s twice as hard to do everything alone.
But whatever your family size, it’s a personal journey for everyone, and it looks different for everyone.
