If there’s one universal thing that all parents want as their children grow up, it’s to be as close to their children as they are teenagers, just as they were with them when they were young. Hormones, life circumstances, interests change, it’s not easy. Although it may look a little different all the time, most parents truly want to maintain a constant bond with their children.
We all remember how hard it was to be a teenager (and the hell our own parents may have been through), so one user took to Reddit’s /Mommit subreddit to ask parents of older children how they were able to maintain close relationships as their children grew up.
And of course, Reddit had some answers.
The original post reads, “When I was a teenager, my relationship with my mother was rocky, she rejected me many times, we had fights, we had our ups and downs. I know this is common during this time when teenagers want to be more independent, but I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes for my own children who are entering their teens. And I’m worried about my relationship with my daughter. She’s only 6 now, so she has a lot of time until she’s a teenager, but I want to think ahead.”I want to be close, but I want her to be independent and feel that I trust her, but I also don’t want her to be too lax and forgiving and have regrets. ”
She asked for all kinds of advice, including what can go wrong in building this type of relationship. And to be honest, the response was pretty surprising (and a lot less overwhelming than you might think). From walks to long drives in the car to facilitate communication, it’s never too much of a hassle, but there were lots of great tips on how to maintain bonding and intimacy with your child as they grow.
“Even though I’m only just entering my teens, I felt like my teenage son was adrift, which is normal to some degree. I talked to him about it. He has a natural interest in his father, but we didn’t have any. I told him I valued our relationship and his father’s presence. We went over some ideas for activities we could do together to build a connection and settled on a quick walk in the evening. I let my son talk, I don’t play the harp, and he doesn’t try to change the subject. And now he asks if I’m ready to go most evening walks,” one user wrote.
Another commenter shared, “Treat them as individuals, not extensions of yourself.” “They’re going to have their own likes and dislikes, and they’re going to be different than yours, and that’s okay. My mom and I fought because that’s how she treated me. As a reflection of her.” This same user added that finding common TV shows and movies that you can enjoy with your kids can also be helpful, as they can be fun and easy bonding activities for both of you.
“I think it’s very important to have a home full of joy and laughter. We played with our children, we joked, we played pranks on each other. I remember when I was 16 years old, I walked in the door and my brother and mother ‘attacked’ me with a group hug, making a huge pile on the floor. “As a teenager, I was often angry at my parents, but I never questioned whether they loved me or if I loved them. At the core of it all, I always wanted my parents to be proud of me,” another user wrote.
Another quick tip? “Ask for advice often. It creates trust.”
“I’m by no means an expert, but somehow I’ve managed to maintain a close relationship with my kids (currently in college). My best advice? Apologize. Even if they were hurt by something you did or said, even if they got it completely wrong, misinterpreted it, or took it out of proportion, it doesn’t matter. To them, it’s a big problem. Apologize. (It took me a while to figure this out).”
But through all the advice, parents were quick to remind the original poster (OP) that you can do everything right, do everything to the best of your ability, and that the teenage years can still be really, really hard. It’s not your fault or your teen’s fault. It’s just how things go. Growing pains, hormonal changes, trying to figure out who you are and what you like can all add up quickly.
So please be patient. Ask them questions. Remind them that you are there and that no matter what happens, you will always be there. You want your teenager to trust you, and that’s the real root of intimacy with your kids, and that’s something we all need to build on. But if you start now while your child is young, they can continue to grow and survive their teenage years. together.
