As parents, most of us are just here to do our best, trying to help our children survive and thrive in a world that’s becoming more complex by the day. Unfortunately, there really isn’t a complete and perfect guidebook to parenting. So we’re going to be in big trouble. And since school is such a big part of children’s lives, parents have a lot of room for error. In some cases, we unknowingly get in the way and create more work for our children’s teachers. But if you don’t realize you’re doing it, you can’t fix it. So Scary Mummy decided to go straight to the source and ask educators. “What is something you secretly (or not-so-secretly) wish your parents would stop doing?”
And the teachers are really great people, so they gamely gave us thoughtful and careful feedback. I hope it helps us learn and grow. Here are some habits that I wish parents would stop bringing into the classroom.
push back against appropriate result
“The most prominent of these is when parents complain and push back against teachers and administrators about the behavioral rules being enforced. An example is when a student violates a technology’s AUP (Terms of Use) and the teacher enforces the consequences. Suppose a student uses a school device in an unacceptable manner, such as bullying another student online. It is common for parents to object to the enforcement and make excuses for the child, such as claiming that the punishment is unjust or arbitrary, that it is unrealistic to expect the child to read the entire AUP document, that the child is just joking, or that no one will catch the other child doing it. ” — Sari Goodman, former elementary school administrator and founder of The Parent Edge
“Grades are not determined on a whim and cannot be changed. A grade represents a student’s understanding of the course or the standards associated with that course. Students have multiple opportunities to demonstrate their understanding to the teacher. Once a grade is administered, there are usually no further opportunities to demonstrate to the teacher.” — Dr. Michelle Fitzgerald, Executive Director of Instructional Empowerment Advocacy and Networking
accelerate the learning process
“Many parents seem to be more interested in seeing progress than mastering skills. Especially with online learning, we see an overemphasis on speed and completion rather than understanding and skill development as parents see reports on their child’s progress. Regardless of a child’s age or ability level, learning takes time and many repetitions, and children understand themselves better and learn better. You need enough time to explore and play around with concepts in order to move forward with that knowledge.The concept of fast-tracking or skipping in online learning platforms is equally harmful when you assume basic knowledge and then find out too late that you are missing the core knowledge. ” — Bill Marsland, long-time educator and current Director of Education and Training at Code Ninjas
enable overdependence
“One of the things I really want parents to stop doing is depriving their children of responsibility, resourcefulness, and independence. That’s how I politely put it: ‘Stop doing everything for your children!'” Many children feel helpless in front of their parents, trying to do everything from packing their bags to doing homework. ” — Jacqueline Spencer Samaroo, teacher with nearly 20 years of experience
“As a college tutor, one thing I secretly wish parents would stop doing is getting too involved in the process and unintentionally taking the reins away from their children. I know they mean well, but I don’t want them to be responsible for every assignment, essay draft, or sketch.” Micromanaging Jules’ decisions often deprives students of the agency and autonomy they need to thrive in college and beyond.My most successful students are those whose parents give them space to problem-solve while providing steady encouragement behind the scenes. — Dan Godlin, Founder of College Commit
Don’t include rest as part of the equation
“We want parents to know that school is hard work. Some students may need after-school extra work or help with homework, but the rest of the time should be spent recharging and doing whatever they want. Too many schedules with tutoring and extracurricular activities often leave children physically and mentally exhausted and unable to concentrate and learn.The best balance is to support their academics while preserving their strengths, joy, and play time. — Emily Rowe, Founder of Big Brain Coaching
“Some parents don’t let their kids get enough sleep every night, so their kids come to school tired, grumpy, and less able to concentrate and learn.” — goodman
Underestimating the importance of routine
“Parents who send their children to school well-rested, fed, and with a strong routine that meets the demands of school are teachers’ best partners. Reading together, committing to a regular bedtime, and creating a space and atmosphere that supports homework may seem like small steps, but they have a big impact on the classroom. Conversely, ignoring the fact that kids are on TikTok late into the night, rushing them out the door without breakfast, expecting them to finish their homework while their attention spans compete with video games, their cell phones, and overly aggressive extracurricular schedules are a recipe for academic disaster. — Dr. Pamela Roggeman, former teacher and current dean of the College of Education at the University of Phoenix
“Teachers and parents need to be a team for what’s best for the child. Part of teamwork requires that routines and expectations be the same. Parents should ensure that students follow proper bedtime routines, do homework, and eat well. Additionally, parents should ensure that students are able to We need to make sure that we limit tardiness, absences, and vacations so that children stay in school for as long as possible.It is very important that students are engaged in instruction.If parents do not take their children on vacation or worry about being late or absent, instruction becomes difficult. ” — fitzgerald
“Saving” children from failure
“Don’t create a reality in your children that says, ‘I am loved and capable.’ All success begins with this foundation. You will be loved even if you fail. Not only will you be successful if you don’t give up, but you will be able to bounce back strong from failure.” Justin McDonald, District Church Academy President
“This often manifests itself in the form of giving an answer as soon as the child shows a learning impasse, giving a hint that basically gives the answer, or intervening too soon, so that the student is engaged in a productive struggle and cognitively slightly beyond their current level. Real learning happens when you reach a point of emotional complexity. Furthermore, if you rescue your child too soon, you teach him that you can close your mind. The problem with this is that the child never learns patience when learning gets difficult. — fitzgerald
Not communicating…or over communicating.
“There’s only one ‘rule’ for parents: Be cool. If it doesn’t pass the ‘cool’ test, don’t do it. Late-night frustrated texts… not cool. Talking bad about other kids… not cool.” — mcdonalds
“Teachers like active communication. Younger children want parents to check the newsletter, ask what their child did at school, contact them early and often, and keep teachers informed about what’s going on in their child’s life. What teachers don’t appreciate is parents trying to contact teachers late at night.” — lodge man
“Teachers have a set point of contact. Most schools require teachers to respond to parents within 24 hours. During the school day, teachers’ priorities are teaching, planning, and evaluating. There are set times when they must respond to parents.” — fitzgerald
have or encourage a negative attitude
“Students almost always like their teachers, especially in the early grades. A basic psychological need that students must meet in order to be successful in school is relatedness. Students need to feel like they belong. They don’t want to belong to a school or classroom where they feel negative. Negative emotions take away trust and authority from teachers and schools. Also, negative thoughts teach children that they can be negative towards someone because of their differences.” fitzgerald
“Parental attitudes toward learning are really important. When we see parents respecting the process, appreciating effort, and maintaining constructive communication, children bring that energy into our tutoring sessions. But when students say, ‘You’re not good at math.’ When I hear negative words like, “I’ll never get into this school,” I shut down before even trying. The best partnerships occur when parents trust me, do their job, give their child room to grow, and keep their focus on bigger things. Photo: Build skills and confidence that last far beyond the enrollment cycle.” Godlin
Too focused on grades
“When parents only ask about the final grade, they are showing the child that the end result is the only thing that matters. This needs to change to asking about the child’s learning. By asking questions about the child’s learning and helping him or her learn, the child understands that learning and the strategies they use while learning are most important.” fitzgerald
“Another big challenge is when parents set unrealistic expectations for test scores and college lists without considering the student’s strengths, interests, and overall state of mind. Children often become burnt out or lose confidence when under pressure to live up to someone else’s vision. My role is to guide them toward opportunities that are right for them, not just to look impressive on paper.” — Godlin
Modeling stereotypes
“Parents are not aware of this term unless they are educators themselves. When parents adopt a fixed mindset, it can have a negative impact on their students. Parents know that knowledge grows with effort and feedback, so they focus on their current situation and try to fit their children into that mindset instead of a growth mindset.” — fitzgerald
“What I want more parents to understand is that true academic progress doesn’t happen overnight. If your student is struggling with math or writing, mastery will take time, consistency, and patience. Always looking for quick results or comparing your child to other children often backfires. What students need most is a growth mindset that is reinforced both at home and in the classroom.” — Godlin
“What if we taught our children that they could learn something of value from every person in their lives? What if we taught them that they can overcome any challenge in life? What if instead of shielding them from those challenges, we were there to help them understand and how to overcome them? What if the goal of learning was for them to learn how to learn, not the subject matter itself? Then they would become effective lifelong learners.” — mcdonalds
expect teachers to teach all
“There’s one thing teachers wish parents would stop doing, and it’s no secret to any caring parent. That wish is for parents to stop outsourcing their parental responsibilities, especially their children’s education. Too many mothers, fathers, and guardians have become ‘the great outsourcers.’ We outsource discipline, social and emotional growth, and even intellectual development. And when things go awry due to failures at home, we boldly expect teachers to correct our neglect at home…Teachers did not come into this profession to raise children. ” — Nathaniel A. Turner, J.D., MALS, author and co-founder of The League of Extraordinary parents
“Some parents believe that teachers are responsible for everything: reading, math, social skills, behavior, and sometimes even shoelaces. The reality is that teachers are instructional experts; they are trained to do so. Teachers have behavioral expectations for how students interact with each other in the classroom, but teachers cannot be expected to teach students ‘core’ values such as persistence, empathy, responsibility, and kindness.” — lodge man
“I wish all parents understood and accepted this. You are the leader of your family and your children. Don’t outsource it. Work with competent teachers, coaches, mentors, and children’s guides. But you can never abdicate your responsibility to train your children…If adults are not responsible and motivated leaders, you will not be able to develop responsible and active leaders.” mcdonalds
