Even as a very nostalgic person who loves looking at old family memorabilia and photos, trying to document family life can sometimes feel a little overwhelming. It’s one of those things you know you should do, that you want to do, but if you overthink it (like having the perfect recipe cards to write on or the right photo albums to store your photos in), it’ll never happen.
And suddenly you will realize that it is too late.
But one Reddit user wishes he would never feel that way, especially when it comes to memories of his own parents.
On the /Mommit subreddit, the original poster (OP) shared that after her mother had a stroke in the fall, she wanted her children to really know about their mother in case something else happened. “I realized that I just assumed she was always around and did little to make sure the kids were actually there. know And I shared eight things I think everyone should do with their parents while they’re still here, still healthy, and still capable.
That’s a very healthy and nice list. And the best part? These are completely doable (and not overwhelming). Here are some of my favorites.
- Please leave a recording of your phone calls during your visit. She recommends doing exactly what you’re doing instead of creating a staged video. Read books, cook, and wander around the house. “Boring is what you miss the most,” the OP writes.
- Ask her to speak in her native language. “My mom speaks Polish and my kids think it’s funny,” OP wrote. “But also, they’re picking it up, and one day that recording may be the only way they hear it.”
- Don’t just write down her recipes, watch the videos. OP says that watching her parents cook and telling them to do “a pinch of this” or “just cook until it looks good” doesn’t translate well on paper. “Photograph her hands, photograph the mess. That’s the recipe,” OP wrote.
- “Record her telling stories about you as a child. My 4-year-old loves listening to ‘When Mommy Was Little’ stories.” Grandma can tell you that better than I can. ”
- “Just sit with her and be quiet sometimes,” the OP writes. “Don’t multitask during your visit. Once it starts recording, put down your phone. Just be there. My biggest regret is all the visits I spent scrolling while she played with the kids.”
Comments from fellow parents about missing their mom or dad or wishing they had a closer relationship with their parents really put this whole idea into perspective.
“I was ‘lucky’ to have a little preparation because my mom had cancer. She left me a voicemail singing Happy Birthday,” one user shared. “I’m so grateful that I get to listen to it every year.”
“As someone who is estranged and wishes they cared enough that I would do half of this. I wish everyone with motivated and proactive parents could see this,” another wrote.
“My mother is already gone and my children don’t remember her. If your mother is still on this earth, please do all these things yesterday,” read another comment.
Many other users shared things they wish parents had done, such as reading books to their children or saving voicemails, and some bereaved users shared things they were so thankful their parents had done, such as candid photos and photos of their hands.
More than anything, everyone said it was a matter of intent. It’s so easy to get caught up in the busyness of daily life. I think we can all agree that sometimes the last thing we want to do is go out with our parents on a Sunday afternoon. But someday we will long for it. By trying some of these simple tips, you can protect your parents for your children.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, be sure to let them know how much of your memory and legacy you want to preserve for your children. You may be surprised at how much they want to help, whether it’s with recordings, videos, or letters to their children.
Honestly, this is real intergenerational wealth.
